I look at K sometimes and I wonder how I got so lucky. I try to remind myself as often as possible that she’ll never be this little again. I only get one chance. One chance to do it right. To enjoy her. So often I feel like I haven’t been present enough for her. I wonder what I ever did to deserve her. This little girl is so intelligent, sweet, generous, spirited, fun and funny. Oh, is she ever funny. She makes me laugh.
But sometimes I find myself daydreaming, thinking about our future, finances, housework, you know how it is, and I realize I’ve missed a moment. She said something funny, cute, smart, or sweet and I missed it. Then the guilt kicks in. I worry about how this will affect her. Have I broken her spirit? Will she forgive me for these missed moments when she’s grown up or will she resent me? I know I worry too much but the mom guilt is real. I don’t want to screw this kid up. She doesn’t deserve that. No child does. I only get this one chance with her to do it well enough that she grows up to become the incredible adult I know she has the potential to be. I have to try harder. I need to live in the moment, in the now, just like she does.